All's Well that Ends Well.

      A few months ago we decided to take the kids to the Children's Museum. I typically don't like to go to very many places on Sundays simply because the crowds make it difficult to keep track of our incredibly swift, moving targets.  During the week, things are usually pretty quiet, so I have an easier time keeping tabs on everyone (when the boys were younger I used to dress them all identically so in the event that one would wander off I could tell security that "he looks like this one"). So off we went, to the Children's Museum.

      When we got there the crowd was pleasantly thin. I breathed a sigh of relief, not because it was empty but because we had survived the transition of home to museum in one piece and we made it without too many melt downs, band-aides, bathroom trips, changes of clothes, last minute diaper changes, spills and G-d only knows what else.
                                               
      We are fortunate to have a beautiful Children's Museum relatively close by with lots of things for the kids to do. We walked in and hung up our coats. The children were so excited! Immediately the older children began to shepherd the younger ones to different parts of the museum and excitedly showed them all of  activities that they could do. It was really cute to see. Sruly had an absolute blast. He looked like any other typical child, completely enjoying himself running around, exploring and letting the other kids show him "the ropes" with a big smile on his face. He thoroughly enjoyed touching, feeling, running, jumping and simply being a part of it all.

      An hour later we found ourselves in the jumping room. This was a cavernous room with an equally large tunnel shaped moon bounce. The kids had a blast  (I'm not sure who had the biggest smile - the kids or me watching them)! This was probably Sruly's favorite activity. After about 20 min on the moon bounce, one of my boys, who is known to be a real tough guy, came limping over to me crying. Just for the record, this is a child who never ever cries unless something is very wrong. Judging from his reaction and the look on his face, I knew immediately that our next stop was most probably going to be what we are beginning to think of as our second home - the emergency department of Children's Hospital. It just so happened that as he was exiting the tunnel, his foot somehow managed to find and wedge itself in the only exposed space in the entire moonbounce, a gap five and a half inches wide between the main structure and the landing mat. As his body continued forward his leg stayed put and twisted. I found myself on the phone with my husband who was five exhibits over begging him to drop - I mean grab everything and high tail it to the moonbounce room. As my husband sat there examining my son's foot and making the determination that it would be a while until the two of them would see the cozy interior of home that evening, the staff of the museum came over with an incident report form for us to fill out and a wheel chair to bring our now immobile child to the van.

      Before leaving the lobby I made a quick head count to make sure we were all together.... Well to make a short story a bit shorter, I kept coming up with one child more then I thought we should have. This wasn't so bad, only that I honestly thought we had one child less then that in our family. When do I need to start worrying that I am loosing it? After counting the children for the fifth time I began to think, well, maybe I really do have that many kids! When did that happen?? ...But I could have sworn we had one less than I had counted.... So I counted again, and again I came up with one extra child! I was dumbfounded. How on earth?!?! Seriously, I could have sworn we were not up to that number just yet.

      While I was re-counting and trying to de-clultter my infamous mommy brain, my husband was talking with the nervous staff about what had happened. I counted one more time and my eyes landed on the sleeping child in the stroller who was covered with coats. I checked to make sure he or she was still breathing under the mountain of goose feathers and it was then that I discovered that it was nothing more than a pile of coats. At this point my patience were beginning to run thin. I had counted the children a dozen times by then and had asked them to put on their coats at least half of that, but the only thing that they seemed interested in was how fast the wheel chair could  take a corner without tipping and spilling its' occupant flat out on the floor.

      Miracle of miracles, we made it to the car without any additional tears (or broken bones for that matter). On the way home my husband called the ER to find out which attendings were on for that shift. (Not that it would make a difference either way, being that my husband pretty much knows ALL of them on a first name basis, thanks to our "ever so passively calm and quiet" dear children).

      After settling the rest of the family at home, my husband and our now immobile former Mexican jumping bean headed to what I am absolutely now convinced to be our home away from home - aka Children's Hospital.
 
      After the standard routine examinations and x-rays he was given the diagnosis (of which my husband had already bet our life savings on what it would be well before we had even left the museum) of a fractured tibia (thank G-d for little things), which would need to be set and casted. Under normal circumstances this would render him pretty much immobile for the next eight weeks. However, once he figured out that he could drop his wheel chair and crutches and still ride his scooter, skate board, bicycle and play hockey without too much pain, he considered himself a free man. Six weeks, three shredded casts and a rather relieved chief of orthopedic surgery later, he was given the "all clear" to resume his "normal" daily activities.

      "What??!" I said, when the two of them came home. "They sent you home without a rocker boot?? Do they know how active this child is???! He is going to break it again before tomorrow morning! He hasn't used those muscles in 8 weeks and they think that this is a typical child who will just ease those muscles back into use slowly and gently! Well they will be seeing him again!"

      Sure enough, 4 hours after my husband and son returned from the hospital, they were on their way back once again with a freshly re-injured leg. This time, however, they had the sense to send him home with a rocker boot. After another six weeks and a rocker boot that was shredded and worn down to the metal base plate we had a healed and happy young man who was ready to do it all over again....  

- Matana  B

Before our son realized that he could get around just fine without his wheel chair and crutches.

Small Miracles: A New Van

      When we upgraded from our typical seven seater mini van to our 8 seater Chevy Astro, I had to get acquainted with the slightly larger size before I felt comfortable driving it around town. So it is no wonder that I am waiting for a few lessons from my husband before I get behind the wheel of our new 12 seater van. The first time I got behind the wheel of our 8 seater, I was not accustomed to the slightly larger width of the van and hit the corner when I made a left turn. By the end of my first two week of driving I probably hit a few more corners and knocked in our side view mirror a few times, but needless to say I got the hang of the new inches and thank G-d enjoyed a few uneventful years of driving around with the kids to various outings.

      We know that with every new child comes new blessings. About a month and a half ago we decided it was time to upgrade to a 12 seater van, and what better time to do that then two days before our month long trip to Canada? Since our new van was not ready yet they gave us a courtesy van to use in the interim. When we returned and it was time for us to take possession of our new van, my husband went down to the dealership to finalize the last of the paper work. As he was sitting in the office talking with the owner, the owner mentioned to my husband how good our timing was to trade in our old van.

      "You see," he said. "A day and a half after you had given up possession of your Chevy Astro, I brought it around to park it at a lot across the street. I swung around to park, hit the brake to stop but the darn thing just kept on moving.... straight for the street. Thankfully I had enough room to veer off to the side without hitting anyone or anything. I have not been that shaken in a long time."

He looked at my husband in the eyes and said, "G-d is really looking out for you."

      Thank G-d we had an uneventful trip to and from Canada, and needless to say our old van is undergoing a full brake line rebuild... But I must say, it was G-d's timing, not ours. You see, had it not been for, please G-d a new little one, we would have no reason to trade in our van, and would still be driving the old one....

- Matana

                                                                                                              photos by Mendel B.

     

Erev Shabbos: Keeping it Real.

(Cont. from previous article "Speed Dial Malfunction.")

Needless to say I did finally get through to Chani.

"So what are your plans for today," she asked. "Survival? Like every other day?"

"Um, no." I answered. "I am determined to get this house ready for Shabbos."

"Well, nothing stands in the way of determination."

"Oh, you want a bet, there are a bunch of them running around the house right now. Hang on a second... my four year old just marched into the kitchen announcing that she neeeeeds ice, went over to the freezer and helped herself. I had better save the freezer."

"You have an ice machine?"

"My G-d can you imagine an ice machine in this house? You would need boots and snow pants year round in here. We disconnected it really quickly when we moved in. Actually, when the boys were little, you used to slip and slide your way into the kitchen... and it wasn't always so graceful."

      We chatted for a bit more until a few adorable, yet loud alarm clocks or tornadoes (not sure what to call them...) came marching through the house. I did manage to get the house (ok, the downstairs and the bathrooms) looking beautiful and ready for Shabbos, all of three hours early!... So I am not exactly sure what or when this happened but before I knew it, it was 25 min before candle lighting, I had not showered yet, I still had to bathe the little ones, the house was an absolute tip with no evidence of it having once looked fit for royal guests, there was an accident in the bathroom, my toddler tripped over Samson's water bowl, so once again our kitchen became an indoor slip and slide, my boys decided that one shower wasn't enough and came running through the house dripping wet from apparently a really good water fight... I thought I heard the hose go on.... and yes, they were playing in the dirt, or shall we now call it mud? Oh well, so much for my Eishes Chayil blue-ribbon-the-house-is-sparkling-and-the-kids-are-glowing award.

.....Although the mud did have a certain shine to it....

- Matana B

                                                                         photo by Mendel

- Matana

Exploring Hashem's Creations through Botany.

      This year the kids and I decided to do a course on botany for our science curriculum. It's exciting and inspiring being able to learn many subjects together around our dining room table, while constantly being reminded of G-d's infinite wisdom and vastness. 

      During the last few weeks we covered taxonomy, phyla, vascular and non vascular plants, moss, seed homes and angiosperms. I had to do quite a bit of editing to the curriculum that I found, so that it aligns itself to our religious beliefs, but the end result was satisfying. It was truly exciting to show the kids that no matter what we are learning, there is never a disconnect with G-d. 

In the pictures below we were learning about the midrib and it's role.          

      

                                                                             

                                                                   photo above by Mendel

Speed Dial Malfunction

      My fingers dialed her number. Typically I just tell my brain to dial Yael's number and my fingers do the rest. As I finished dialing I had a fleeting thought that maybe this time it wasn't the right number but I quickly shoved that thought aside. I definitely dialed the right number. It was naturally imprinted in my fingers. Somehow they knew just what to do.

"Hello?" The person answered.

"Hello?" I said, hoping whichever family member had picked up the phone would recognize my voice because I certainly did not recognize their voice.

      There was an awkward pause. Clearly they did not know who I was calling to talk to. "Umm, Ahh." (that was supposed to help them figure out my voice and then it would click, OH! You are calling for Yael! But that did not happen. I realized I needed to quickly ask for Yael because the person on the other line was probably as confused as I was, and perhaps getting a little bit annoyed.

"Is Yael there?" I asked. My mind racing as to who I could possibly be talking to. This didn't sound like any of her brothers, and this most certainly did not sound to me like her husband. I was stumped. I quickly introduced  myself because I know how annoying it is to receive a phone call from someone and the person does not introduce themselves, which I totally should have done.

"Now," I thought, "they will realize who I am."

I was waiting for "Yaaaaeeeeeeeelll phone for you!"

But alas, that did not happen.

In the microsecond that passed I was now even more confused then ever. Then I heard a voice on the other line respond.

"Um, honey, this is your dear husband."

And to that I will say L'chayim.
                                                                                                                                  photos by Mendel

- Matana

Erev Rosh Hashanah: On Gratitude.

      It's amazing how many times we second guess ourselves. How often we worry as parents. Are we doing the right thing for our children? Can I raise them to become loving, stable, self assured adults? Will they grow to embrace Torah, love G-d, hold a stable relationship full of warmth and kindness? Will they be able to understand and feel the depth and passion of not just their own emotions but of others as well, perhaps a significant other? Will they be able to embrace the trials and tribulations that life throws at them and become stronger from it? Or, heaven forbid, will they begin to feel it's easier to simply let go and search for what may seemingly look like an easier path, but it's one without growth, without a passion for life and Torah. 

      As we come closer the the new year, I am overwhelmed with all that I want to pray for. Instead I sit down and I thank G-d for all that we have. 

Thank you Hashem for giving me another day of life.

Thank you for blessing me with energy, to be able to think clearly, breath, see, and walk on my own. 

Thank you for my husband, my children and for giving me the gift of embracing life with them.

Thank you for your beautiful Torah and guiding our way of life.

Thank you for our home, food, clothing, running water, washing machine, dishwasher, vacuum and working appliances.

Thank you for helping me to slowly become more patient with my children.

Thank you for easy labor, delivery and recoveries.

Thank you for guiding us in raising our children.

Thank you for Shalom Bayis, health, simcha and laughter.

Thank you for wiping my tears and holding my hand through our challenging times.

Thank you for loving and supportive parents and grandparents, for my dear siblings, and knowing the gift of having a wonderful family. 

Thank you for all of the support you have given us for Sruly, for teachers who love him, for family who   adores him, for his growth and progress, but most of all for the gift of raising him with you.

Thank you for each and every one of our children, for the opportunity of raising them together with you and my husband. 

Thank you for all of the tests you have so carefully chosen and given us.

I hope and I pray that in this coming new year we are blessed to be given a year full of life, laughter, simcha, joy, health, strength and wisdom.

May we be inscribed in the book of life, and be able to dance with Moshiach speedily in our days. 

Amen and L'chayim!  

Homeschool Curriculum: Math & Reading

      Math & Reading

      There are many choices out there, but just for you to have something to compare with, look at and see if it may be the right style for you and your child, I will share with you what we have used and liked so far.

Math: 

I fell in love with Math-U-see as soon as I watched a few of their demos. It is a very visual and hands on approach, and in fact, has similarities to a montessori style of teaching math.  http://www.mathusee.com/ 

One of my little children needed a bit more extra help, so I purchased and downloaded worksheets from Touch Math. They are absolutely incredible but quite pricey so it's nice they have the option to purchase and download specific worksheets as needed to help target areas in which your child may need some extra help.  http://www.touchmath.com/

Other popular math programs are Teaching Textbooks and Singapore Math, but math-u-see was a better fit for our very hands on, kinesthetic, visual learners.
                                                                            Below: Doing math-u-see

Reading:

Now I'm Reading! by Nora Gaydos. 

My mother used these books for my siblings, and I used these books for each and every one of our children. I am not sure if they are slowly going out of print which would be so unfortunate, but I found that Barns and Nobles has some of them on their web site.  

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/now-im-reading-animal-antics-level-1-nora-gaydos/1109127797?ean=9781584760733 - level one  

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/now-im-reading-amazing-animals-level-2-nora-gaydos/1109127798?ean=9781584760740 - level two

There are 4 level plus an independent reading series. I would suggest to find what you can and if you like it purchase it.

As far as teaching the sounds that each letter makes to eventually build up to sounding out a word (or decoding), with the guidance and wisdom of a dear friend of mine I have fallen in love with the Montessori method of teaching. A popular and very effective teaching aid is their movable alphabet. Montessori also has a specific order as to which letter sounds to introduce first.

http://www.amazon.com/Montessori-Movable-Alphabet  - English Alphabet

http://www.jewishsoftware.com/products/Jewish_Montessori_Alef_Bet - Alef Bet

Learning to Write.

When the children are leaning to write and form their letters this has been my paper of choice, especially for children with special needs. http://www.startdothandwriting.com/ourmethod Here is a link to some of their products. http://www.startdothandwriting.com/companion-materials  (In the early stages we gravitate to a Montessori approach for example writing in sand etc...)

This is also great for visual learners. Less colorful but still excellent! forhttp://www.amazon.com/Abilitations-Integrations-Hi-Write-Beginner-Paper

A fun book for the reluctant writer that was recommended to me by another homeschool mother is called Games For Writing by Peggy Kaye. http://www.amazon.com/Games-Writing-Playful-Child-Learn 

      After they have mastered reading it's all about encouraging a love for reading. In the back of our dining room we have a separate table full of beautiful books on display to encourage reading. In addition to searching for appropriate and stimulating books for them to read on their own, we have fallen into habit that I cherish. Reading at bed time. This often stretches out bedtime to about an hour just in reading. I wait for the children to snuggle up under their covers and then I typically choose a parsha (bible) story or any Chassidic or Yom Tov story that we may be up to during that time of year. I want them to associate Yiddishkyt with warmth and comfort, falling asleep to timeless, beautiful and meaningful stories and lessons from our past. I am not sure what the teenage years have in store for us, but I hope this will help set a beautiful foundation.

      A Word on Vocabulary
   
      I have learned from Charlotte Mason, that when we come across a vocabulary word, I don't stop to explain it unless the kids ask me, otherwise it is best to assume that they were able to figure it out based on the context of the sentence / story. So unbeknownst to the children, we are also building our vocabulary. There is a lot that that the Charlotte Mason method of has to offer and many families pick and choose which subjects to incorporate her methods of teaching, if not all. I have purchased CM DVD seminars and they have helped us a lot in our homeschooling journey. This is one of my favorite websites -   http://simplycharlottemason.com/

      If you are looking for a list of vocabulary words to slowly work on with the children, we enjoy Marie's Words - Visual Vocabulary for All Ages.  timberdoodle.com - Visual Vocabulary Lots of fun!

     Sequential Spelling

      The only structured curriculum that I have found for spelling that I like is Sequential Spelling. sequentialspelling.com The following is a short explanation from the company. "The student learns sets of words that share patterns of spelling rather than thematically related lists of words. Young writers often try to use the sounds in words to figure out their spellings; experienced writers often use this phonetic strategy first, and then try other approaches, including applying common spelling patterns. So it is definitely worthwhile to help children hear the sounds in words by developing phonemic awareness, and then exploring sound/symbol relationships and spelling patterns..."

      This DVD set has helped me find many wonderful ways to help make our homeschooling journey truly a beautiful way of life.   http://simplycharlottemason.com/store/all-day-charlotte-mason-seminar-on-dvd/   Again, this may not fit every family, I am simply sharing with you some of the things that have helped to shape our homeschool experience. Charlotte Mason, and the Montessori method of teaching have given life and excitement to our learning.

      Every day I am watching and learning as we grow as a family on this journey. It's a way of life I am happy we have found and cherish every moment of it. It fascinates me that the more time we spend together learning, reading, going on outings etc... the less space I feel I need from the children. Perhaps it's because we are spending more quality time together. Perhaps it's because we are learning more about each other as people. Our needs, our wants, our dislikes, our feelings, our struggles.... Whatever the reason may be I am honored to walk down this path, together with my husband and children. I thank from the bottom of my heart the more experienced homeschool mothers who have answered my many questions, helped us through our struggles and have simply been there in our time of need without being judgmental. It truly does take a village to raise a child. L'chayim!

     

      

Homeschooling: Making it Legal.

      Making it Legal:

*note if your students are registered with a public cyber charter school, such as K12, you do not have to worry about this post.

      Different states have different laws, so it's important to find out where your state stands as far as what the  requirements are to register your school and students. (When I say "your school" I am referring to your homeschool.) The first people we contacted was HSLDA. We registered with them and in the beginning, asked them many questions. http://www.hslda.org/ 

The next website we found to be invaluable was AskPauline.com  http://home.comcast.net/~askpauline/index.html  In our state we have to hand in to the public school 2 forms: 

One, a notarized form which in a nut shell states that you, the parent or guardian will be responsible for the child's education and well being. http://home.comcast.net/~askpauline/hs/docs/basicaffidavit.pdf

The second paper which we must hand in to the school board, together with the above (notarized) affidavit is a form stating your educational objectives for each individual child whom you are homeschooling. She has some examples for you to choose from on her web site. You can print out a form from her website, or you may choose to make your own.     http://home.comcast.net/~askpauline/hs/homeschoolaffidavit.html#objectives 

This may look complicated but it's really not. In total you have two pieces of paper, one notarized, which you need to hand in for every child being homeschooled. Again, look up the requirements for your state. In our state, if the child was never in school before, you do not have to register them until they reach age 7. After that and every consecutive year thereafter you must make sure to re-register them before Aug 1st.

At the end of your homeschool year, you need to bring in a few more pieces of paper to show to a representative of the public school. We met with a very nice representative in a park, the kids played with other homeschool kids and families while we spoke and showed a simple portfolio of their work, and our attendance form. (again, you can find more information on askpauline.com.) It was fun and very laid back. They understand that if you are going through the incredible effort and taking on the awesome responsibility of homeschooling your kids, (and I mean awesome!) you are probably a responsible parent who deeply cares about her child's education.

Good Luck and have fun!

                                                                                                                       photos by Mendel

      

It's 1:00 am in the morning and I am tired. Oh so tired.

      It's 1:00 in the morning and I am tired. Oh so tired. The children went to bed late, as what usually happens during the summer months. They are always just too excited to soak up every minute of daylight and enjoy the outdoors. So yes, once again they went to bed late. Happy, but late. So what does that mean for me? Well, my downtime is pushed up to quite a bit later into the night. I simply can't move. I am exhausted. My body is yelling at me to slow down. To sit. I need some time to re-charge my emotional batteries after spending long days with loving but intense little people. I need time to collect my thoughts, think about the children, where I can improve, where we can improve as a family. Of course my thoughts almost always tend to wonder to where I made mistakes and wondering if I am failing as a mother. Am I giving them the tools they need to face adulthood? Am I showing them what passionate, loving parenting is all about, or am I simply coming across as a tired mother who can't get a grip on the mess, or in their eyes, life? As I look around me, there is quite a mess, so perhaps I didn't overdo it on the cleaning and did indeed give them attention. To be quite honest, it was such a whirl wind that frankly it's hard to remember the positive things I may have done as a parent. It's easier to remember where I went wrong. Where I lost my patience too quickly, where I had the opportunity to read a book to a child but instead went to clean up a spill. Where I didn't turn to answer my oldest as he excitedly told me about his day. I nodded, but I didn't meet his excitement.

   

      It's the end of the day and I need some time to sit, read, write, or perhaps to simply do nothing.

      Ok, I must admit that if I am sitting and doing nothing at the end of the day it means I am too tired to move my body, get up and get ready for bed. I have been known to sit on the couch late at night for a couple of hours too tired to get ready for bed. Too tired to put away any cleaning supplies, spices, liquid soap, salad dressing, tzedaka pennies, toilet paper or anything else our dear Sruly might enjoy watching ever so slowly being flushed or dumped down the drain at 4am. Too tired to lock the necessary cabinets, fridge, door locks. Too tired to clean up the evidence of happy children who played hard and left a tornado in their wake... I turn to my husband for help, but he is sleeping. Sitting up. It amazes me how men can do that. Imagine if women could do that. If we could sleep sitting up, or fall asleep right before our head hits the pillow, or even snooze standing up. Yes, I have seen fathers do that. I have seen my grandfather doze off while he was standing. (The sofa was behind him.) But here I am, too tired to move. Too tired to get up and go to bed.

      I wish I could stay half asleep and clean up like my husband, practically not missing what looks like deep  sleep, but I can't. I gaze at him again and smile. I feel truly blessed to raise our rambunctious crew with such a devoted man. You don't hear very much about the Dads of special needs children, but let me tell you, they are more special than words can even attempt to describe. I feel blessed to have a partner with whom I can make my way through miles of red tape, learning to advocate, juggling Dr appointments, guiding little feet to their therapy appointments, cleaning up mysterious messes throughout the house that even Sherlock Holmes wouldn't be able to identify but somehow my husband can, picking up broken items, (today it was a box of light bulbs that I dropped), throwing out carpets (not even going to go there)....

      I hope to be blessed to walk till one hundred and twenty together with my husband and children on this mysterious ride we call life. I embrace our ups and downs, the challenges that G-d throws our way, our learning experiences, our mistakes, our love for one another, our passion, our tears, our imperfect lives but our perfectly imperfect children. I love you from the very depths of my soul.

      Dear precious ones, there are times I may be too tired to talk, too tired to join in with your enthusiasm, times where I loose my patience and snap, but my heart swells with a deep love I never knew existed.

      It's 1:00 in the morning and I am tired. Oh so tired. But my heart is dancing.

                                                                                                                                    photos by Mendel

Tucking in their shirts???

      A couple of weeks ago our four year old fell and broke her collar bone for the third time. Last year she fell off of our radiator cover and broke one collar bone, and then about a 8 weeks later she fell off of our other radiator (while looking out the window), and broke the other collar bone.

      "She needed to even things out", my husband told the intake attending ER physician as he brought her into the ER once again.

      Our ten year old son is doing better this year than in past years.... A few months ago he broke his leg while jumping off of a moon bounce in a children's museum. The day that he got his cast off, 9 weeks later, he re-injured a number of tendons and ligaments that had grown weak while his leg was in his cast. They finally gave him a "rocker boot" which he wore for 5 weeks until he wore it down to the metal plated soul. A few weeks after that he pitched a hard ball which the batter hit straight into his face breaking his nose......

      A couple of years ago he fell off of a zip line in a park, falling hard onto his arm and added something new to our vocabulary; Supracondylar humerus fracture. He stayed overnight at the hospital and walked out the next day after surgery with three pins holding the bones together with a nice hot green cast. (The first of a few.)  So yes, thank G-d for normal breaks which don't involve me running to Wikipedia to figure out how to pronounce something.

   
      A couple of weeks ago, around the time our daughter broke her collar bone for the third time, my husband bumped into a friend of ours. During the course of the conversation she brought up how particular she is in ensuring that her children are tucked in. My husband, one who is never left speechless, wasn't quite sure what to say except that he is making sure our kids have a pulse and are breathing.

      "What to say?!?!"  I said a bit flabbergasted.

      "How about that this season we are working on making sure that there are no more broken bones!!! But if you want to make sure our boys are always tucked in, go ahead! Really, I have no problem! But don't get me involved! I am making sure we don't have any more ER visits this season that involve putting humpty dumpty or anybody else back together!"

      My husband calmly and a bit comically looked me into the eyes and said, "don't worry, I side with you one hundred percent."

      And thus I was reassured that my job suddenly got a little bit easier.

-Matana B.

                                                      Photos by Mendel B.

Friendship Circle

      About 6 years ago our family was introduced to the Friendship Circle. Sruly was still very young, and as a family we were adjusting to having an open house full of therapists. When Rivkee walked into our home and showed us what the Friendship Circle was all about I knew immediately it was a world we wanted and needed to be a part of. She introduced us to two very sweet and very mature teenagers. Masha and Darya, our children still talk about you! And later when Shane began coming to spend time with our children as well, the warmth and enthusiasm he brought with him only tripled our appreciation for such an organization. Our children felt the love these volunteers showed towards them as well as towards their brother with special needs. Instead of first having to explain to a friend why their brother was doing something that looked a little odd, they were able to invite their friends from the friendship circle into their home with confidence, knowing that we as a family were %100 accepted and loved - each and every one of us, including Sruly. Their visits became a time for our children to subconsciously relax and embrace a fun and much anticipated visit from our new friends. Masha, Darya and Shane have since graduated and moved on with life, however our children still talk about them and the friendship they brought into our home. Since then we, as a family, have participated in many of the yearly events that the Friendship Circle has offered our community. When we are out as a family, often times I am busy keeping track of our children than schmoozing, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate simply being in such a warm environment filled with other families who also have children with special needs. There is an unspoken and much needed connection. 

                          

      

      This past winter when Friendship Circle held yet another beautiful event, I asked my mother if she would like to join us. Usually when there is an event for the entire (typical) community, I go for the children. The events can sometimes be very busy, noisy, loud with lots going on and in the midst of all that, me trying to keep track of everyone. A little overstimulating. Of course I appreciate these events so much because my children always have such a great time and always come home happy, tired and with huge smiles on their faces. "But", I told my mother "somehow the Friendship Circle events are so calming and full of such warmth! Emma, you just have to experience it to see what I am talking about!" And my mother did. It's amazing how these special children can set such a beautiful tone simply by just being who they are. They truly are special children. We thank you friendship circle from the bottom of our hearts for what you are able to provide for these special children, their families and siblings. Thank you!

                 

photos taken by friendship circle ;)

     

As we Grow with Life.

      It's 7:30 am and I think I just gave up on sleeping for the night. The baby got up at 3am for the second or third time. I fed her and she went back to sleep. Then I heard Sruly get up.... He hasn't gotten up that early in a while so I really shouldn't complain, but doesn't G-d know that a mommy needs sleep? I have been up since 3am. I slowly got out of bed around 7am, realizing that there was no way I was going to get anymore sleep so I may as well start the day and join my Husband downstairs.

      I came downstairs and tried hard not to look at the mess. There was dirty laundry on the stairs waiting to be brought upstairs and put in the laundry hamper. There was a mess of hats, gloves, scarves, boots, mittens, coats and more at the bottom of the stairs making it almost impossible to climb over the gate (which was at the bottom of the stairs), gracefully. I was lucky I landed on my own two feet. Library books were all over the table, couch and floor. The kitchen sink.... well I won't go there. You would think the parents went to bed the night before too tired to clean.... Well, here I was, completely sleep deprived, surrounded by blessings but all I could see was mess and chaos. I even felt like I could see the noise. I could definitely feel my irritability and hoped that no one else could, but I think my dear husband was able to sense it from the other room.

"Don't worry," he said. "I will take over when I get home and you can take a nap."

    We have all had days, weeks and even months like these. Often times we just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. We think the kids will never grow up, they will be toddlers forever. The mess with just multiply on its own no matter how often we clean. The laundry we feel has come alive and is out to get us as it grows and stretches across the house, slowly devouring everything in its path. The kitchen sink gurgles in protest as it tries to swallow the water being blocked by bits of leftover food and a mountain of dishes. We begin to wonder what exactly did we sign up for.... or did we? But somehow through it all, somewhere we manage to dig down deep and find the strength to carry on and care for the little cries, the spills, feed the hungry mouths, wipe the tears, read to the curious eyes, answer those often persistent questions of the curious minds, smile back at the beautiful smiles looking up at us. Looking up to us. They are watching and learning from our every move. Learning that it's ok to cry. Learning that it's ok to make mistakes. Learning about the value of love, of touch, of warmth, of devotion, of persistence. And finally they watch as we grow, but it's a secret that they don't know. They may never know how much they have touched us to the core and have truly changed us from the very depths of our soul. And for this we are forever grateful.

                                                     

                                                               photography by Mendel
                                                                                                                     

Submucous cleft palate

        About a year and a half ago when our daughter was two, we discovered that she had a submucous cleft palate. What is a submucous cleft palate? Here is a definition from cleftline.org

      A submucous cleft palate is one type of cleft palate. The word "palate" refers to the roof of the mouth and the term "cleft" indicates a split in the palate. The palate consists of both a bony portion (hard palate) and a muscular portion (soft palate). At the end of the soft palate, the small finger-like projection of tissue that hangs down is called the "uvula". The term "submucous" refers to the fact that the cleft is covered over by the lining (mucous membrane) of the mouth. This covering of mucosa makes the cleft difficult to see when looking into the mouth.  Thus it becomes difficult to diagnose. The Dr explained to us that he doesn't actually see the muscles split. When he shines a light into the mouth, he looks up at the roof of the mouth to see if he sees a blue line going from the front and stretching to the back. That, he said, is an indication of a submucous cleft palate.  

      So in all practicality, what did this mean? Well, we knew something was not quite right because right from the start she had great difficulty feeding. Moments after she was born I tried to nurse her and she was barely able to latch on, let alone suck properly. She made a sort of a clicking sound with every suck. I am not sure if her tiny and very week cry was connected to all of this, but for the first few months of her life she actually sounded like a little mouse with quiet squeaks when she would cry. The nurses said they have never seen (or heard) anything like it. She even struggled to latch onto and suck from the bottle. I remember trying every trick in the book, working with a few different lactation consultants to try to be able to nurse her, but with no success. I would cry, she would cry because she was tired and hungry, then I would pump the milk, still teary eyed, and try to use the SNS. - Supplemental nursing system.

       I remember smiling and half laughing with tears in my eyes saying to my mother, "With all of the pumping, tubes, and shields there is absolutely nothing natural about nursing here!" 

      I did eventually fall into a routine of pumping for her, but I kept hoping she would eventually be able to nurse. (I think not letting go of the fact that she could not nurse wore me out. To me nursing is an extension of the umbilical chord, so I guess you can say it's very dear to my heart. It's a bond that I cherish, so there were a lot of tears during the first few weeks after her birth.) She fatigued too quickly while she was eating, so the rest of her meal I would feed her through a medicine dropper. Her food would also often go through her mouth and come up and out through her nose, causing her to choke and have difficulty breathing. I would feed her, propped up, holding the bottle in one hand and a suction to suction her nose out with the other to help her breath as the milk would come up through her mouth and nose. It almost seemed like there was a hole going from somewhere in the back of her mouth straight through to her nose... which we later found out, there pretty much was. Feeding her was a whole song and a dance, so much so that at one point I was ready for a feeding tube, but we did manage to keep her in the 10th percentile in weight. 

      Later, speech became an obvious problem. For the life of her she simply could not make most of the sounds. Looking at her I knew she completely understood what we were saying, and what she wanted to say, but just couldn't. Together with a fabulous speech therapist we began teaching her sign language. In no time at all she mastered about 100 signs, which soon became to 200 +.  At the recommendation of her speech therapist I took her to a local baby sign language class. It was there that I met a mother who asked me why my daughter was not talking. I told her it was because she seemed to have a high palate, to which she responded there was no such thing. I described her symptoms and she told me to make an appointment with a specific Dr In the plastic surgeon department and ask him to look for a submucousal cleft palate.

      Currently I think there are only two ways that they make the incision to do the repair. One is done by doing pretty much one straight cut, and the other, older method is called the radical method, in which they do a zig zag incision. I spoke with two different mothers who had the radical method done and they told me that later on, each of their children had to go back for a repair. After some quick research I did manage find a doctor in the same group who did the straight incision. 

      A couple of weeks later we were sitting in the Dr's office, waiting for the Plastic surgeon to enter. An incredible speech pathologist walked into the room with the plastic surgeon  They were very professional, asked a few targeted questions and then the speech pathologist took a look in her mouth. 

"Oh yes, I see it. She definitely has a cleft palate."

      I was so relieved we finally got to the bottom of her symptoms. Next we began discussing the option of surgery and its procedure. It sounded very intense. The operation typically takes about 90 min. They cut open the roof of the mouth to get to the split muscles and sew the muscles together. The kids stay overnight in the hospital for about 4-5 days. When they go home they are sent home with arm bands to prevent their elbows from bending. This is to prevent the child from putting anything into their mouths that may split the stitches. In order to allow the stitches to heal properly they may only have clear fluids for about one week, and just liquids after that until a follow up appointment to confirm that the incision area has healed. This typically takes about one month, in rare cases a bit longer. ...In my daughters case, because of her unusually thin skin, it took her 3 months.     

      We scheduled the appointment as I saw she was continuing to struggle with speech (still only two speech sounds), and eating was draining... but I was scared. I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision. To put her through that? I found two other mothers who, their own children also had this procedure. They were able to tell me a little bit more about what to expect. I was still scared. At one point I almost canceled the whole thing. Yes, I realized that in the long run, this would require her to be in speech therapy for many, many more years, and eating may always be tiresome for her, but my emotions were beginning to get the better of me. Yes, we were still going through a whole song and a dance to feed her (I had an enormous supply of medicine droppers and syringes), and get the right amount of calories into her, but never the less, we were doing it. She was managing to stay in the 10th percentile, and we were avoiding a feeding tube. I felt like I could continue feeding her the rest of her meals through a medicine dropper as long as she needed it. I was just too scared to put her through the surgery.  Finally I called an older and wiser mother of many children and told her what was going on. She listened, then told me that the Lubavitcher Rebbe  would often tell people to get a second opinion, specifically from a Dr who knows your family, whom you know and trust, and go with that advise. 

"Find another Dr who knows you and your family well, one who you truly trust. Ask him his opinion and do what he says."  she told me.

     So I did. In my mind, I truly did not want to go through with this, and was on the verge of canceling, but I told myself that I will follow his advice no matter what. My husband contacted another Dr whom we really trust and who knows our family well. After explaining everything to him, I was a bit surprised when he told us to definitely go through with the surgery, but oddly enough I felt calm about it. I figured I would follow the advise of the Rebbe, and just put my trust in G-d. Surgery was scheduled for one week before Rosh Hashanah. 

      We arrived at the hospital and were called back and admitted pretty quickly. I was suddenly so nervous I felt like it was me going into surgery. I got her into her hospital gown and just talked to her and gave her hugs. She knew something was up but obviously did not understand exactly what. They gave her a little verset (I should have asked for some for myself! I really wanted to ask the Dr for some but I figured he would think I was nuts). As soon as the verset began to kick in, my husband carried her to the surgery room and stayed with her until she was fast asleep. As they walked down the hallway she looked back at me and cried the whole way. My heart was breaking. 

      About an hour and a half later the surgeon came out to tell me that the surgery was a success. Thank G-d. It was over. I went back to recovery and sat down next to her. They had her on some serious pain killers, as she was still very groggy from the surgery. Her mouth and lips were swollen and there was blood trickling from her nose and mouth. It was not that much blood but to a mother looking at her child, barely conscious, swollen and in obvious pain, it looked like a lot. For the next three days in the hospital I kept wiping up her blood, held her, rocked with her, tried to distract her, from her constant pain, IV's, sang to her..... I did whatever I could to keep her as comfortable as possible. She truly looked miserable, but thank G-d the Dr didn't hesitate in prescribing her more pain killers. They told us that typically the kids stay about 5 days, or until they can drink enough liquid by themselves so the I.V. can be taken out. She was not allowed to suck from a sippy cup or bottle, as the sucking motion would split the stitches. By day number 3 I was so dizzy from lack of sleep and food. I began to slowly give her liquids through a medicine dropper again, since her mouth was too swollen to drink from a cup, and she hadn't mastered that anyway, and again, a bottle was not an option because the sucking would strain the muscles and split the stitches. We had success with the dropper. I figured the sooner we could get home we can all get more rest, and recovery (with a lot of pain killers) should go a bit smoother. Thank G-d we were able to leave the hospital the morning of day 4.  

      I tried my best to keep the arm bands on her. By week number 3 my little Houdini was a master at slipping out of them. We even taped them to her shirt, but she got around every trick in the book. Instead of fighting her I just kept a very close eye on her and made sure the house was constantly clean with nothing she could possible put in her mouth. Meal times were a bit stressful since she was upset she couldn't have anything, so I would often hang out with her in a different room. (Remember, this was holiday time.) She pretty much lived off of apple juice, hypoallergenic formula mixed with rice milk (for extra calories),  and yogurt until we got the ok to begin eating crunchy foods. 

     I would like to add here, that these children can only go to a special orthodontist who is experienced in handling fragile or thin skin and muscles. If the child needs an expander or other orthodontic work, remember that you want to be very delicate with the skin and muscles. We were advised that when the time comes, we should stick with the pediatric orthodontists in the hospital.  

      Was the surgery a success? Thank G-d yes! One week after surgery she looked at me and said "Mommeee".  The only sounds she was able to make prior to the surgery was the "Ahhh" sound and the "Mmmmm" sound. As the swelling went down and time went on, she slowly began making more and more sounds. It was really exciting when she learned that all of the signs in sign language that she had learned she was now able to say them! And if we still had trouble understanding her, she would pull out a sign for us. It was pretty cute. Eating also became less tiresome for her.

         It is now almost a year and a half after her surgery and she has finally reached the 50th percentile on the growth chart and is talking up a storm. I am glad we went through with it, and forever grateful for the wonderful doctors, the guidance and timeless advice we received to encourage us to properly help her. I hope in writing this to somehow help and encourage other parents who may find themselves on this path. 

- Matana B.

                           
                          The picture below was taken about 2 months before her surgery. 

                                                                           

Why we homeschool

      So what does our "typical" day of homeschooling look like? Well I guess that is almost like asking what do you eat every day. It always varies, but here is a little idea. 

      The kids slowly came downstairs help themselves to breakfast. Often I come down to the house smelling of grilled cheese sandwiches, a messy kitchen and dining room, and for the most part, satisfied children. After davening my son has been checking the news and then may pick a history documentary to watch before his official classes begin. Depending on how dreary the winter weather is, he often enjoys bringing a cup of tea to his class. I spend time with the the other children and daven, have a snack (or breakfast number two) do our math, play a little, read together (this includes parsha, stories on Yom Tov and pretty much everything and anything educational), sing, listen to story and music CD's, depending on how messy the house is we may do an arts and crafts (although today was a trip to the library instead), laundry, try to clean up (today was clean up the mural my toddler so proudly made using black (washable) paint all over the walls, window, table....ok, I will stop there, talk, play... and the list goes on. 

                                                                                                             Photography by Mendel B

      We began homeschooling with some pretty basic goals.

 To have an enthusiasm and a love for learning, and to be very much a part of what they were learning. I wanted to share in their excitement of learning.

To see the kids play happily by themselves and with each other. (With the exception of a remote control helicopter and race car, to date we do not own battery operated toys.) 

To be comfortable and content in their own skin. To have a healthy sense of self worth and value.

 I was looking for a more relaxed environment at home for our family. To have more opportunities for quality family time. More time to spend with the kids and to just plain enjoy each others company. 

To be able to work more on character and Midos and to instill in them a passion and a love for Yiddishkite. 

And last but not least, to have more time to work on our relationship with each of the children.  

                                             

Creating large "hail stones". We spoke about the hail that Hashem withheld in the sky and later let it come down during the times of Yehoshua. The drama of large hail stones coming to life!                                          

Photo by Mendel B

Below: Doing Math-U-See

                              
                                                                   

                            Below, early fall. No, we didn't have to worry about bedtime and homework.